single and ready to mingle

when i piss my pants i make it apparent
piss’em boys so hard they turn transparent
HELP ME GUYS I THINK I NEED A PARENT

even if you are trying to panhandle for drugs exclusively you should accept food anyway because it makes homeless people look less awful+increases the chance that they’ll help out at some later date

livin in the real world everything i do belongs on mtv 3 im the kind of mild raunchiness they need hosting their programs

babyastronaut:

I’m seeking a young man in great shape in his teens or 20s with huge, ripped, powerful muscles like a heavyweight or superheavyweight bodybuilder, wrestler, or football player that has the strength to give me a bear hug that will easily crush all my ribs for 300 bucks cash. If you can break my…

show me the crime scene i can make it bloodier explain the crime in your head to me i can make it muddier. if we got together we could pull something big something they wouldn’t forget soon. they’d make new laws to imprison us specifically we’d die in infamy but knowing we pulled the best crime ever. the perfect theft-murder-arson-assualt-blackmail session the world has ever seen. your parents won’t even show up to the execution they’d be so ashamed

grevenz:

Welcome to planet earth. This is the first store you walk into.

A lot of y’all only take a bath to take pics

very few of the selfies i take involve the lower half of my body because that’s only for my wife

2ct7:

oil paint is the devils medium

britvarama:

sucktina:

im going to live a cool unconventional life 

Same.

i think i could arrange this

funkmeisterfish:

fuck ssb4 im going to play Sex Gangsters forever

funkmeisterfish:

fuck ssb4 im going to play Sex Gangsters forever

this new hat i got has the power to “fix” disabled people regardless of how major or minor their disability. i’m so glad i can finally pee standing up

this new hat i got has the power to “fix” disabled people regardless of how major or minor their disability. i’m so glad i can finally pee standing up